Just Like the Sun...But More Like the Moon

How do we love?
Is it the same as sight?
Painted reflections on another’s heart
Sight unseen
Is choice an object?
How much more the intangible?

In the Interest of God

So, im going to be honest here, i cant figure this thing out. Why i do this to myself i don't know–i just figured out how to work the new facebook and navigate that semi-smoothly and then i throw the blogspot concept at myself. this is not good. i was literally lost in my OWN profile for a half hour. i couldnt figure out how to get back to my blog. i finally just had to sign out and then sign back in. Its hard to admit defeat–especially at the hands of an website.
But, while i was sitting there lost on my own page i noticed something...something interesting and maybe even disturbing. I was looking at my "interests". and they include, if you have not read them already (and if you havnt i dont hold it against you), God, reading, writing, theology, philosophy...etc. I read this list over a few times (for the seventh time as i tried to find my way out) and satisfied that it correctly summed up my life i began to scroll down in another hopeless search for a link to my blog, and then it dawned on me. What was God doing under my "interests"? Sure, like a good Christian i listed him first, who wouldnt....but an Interest? i mean, yeah...i'm interested in God for sure, but thats why i put Theology on there. theology is a legitimate interest. Should that be a designation for God?
I scrolled back up and stared at it. what should i do? Surely God didnt belong in this category...but where should i put Him? (figuratively speaking of course. remember, this is the guy who is lost in his own profile.) I liked the Passion of the Christ, but God didnt ultimately belong in my Movies. i like Christian music but he doesnt ultimately belong there. i like Christian books by Ted Dekkar and company but God doesnt ultimately belong there either. None of them seemed right, none of them seemed like the place to list God so that he would get the predominant place he deserved.
then i looked up. this little section labled "About me". A place where i had so cleverly written "its not" in a lame attempt to appear more spiritual. It occured to me that i would like to place the name of God there, i want that to be true. I want everything "about me" to be about God. I dont want Him relegated to an interest or a movie or a song or even one of my beloved books, i want him consuming and eminating from my life so that no one need even ask what i am "about", the answer is plainly obvious.
This might seem kinda silly, the movement of "God" from one category on a profile to another. But in some ways i think its highly symbolic. And no, if you check my profile, i have not changed anything yet. I'm not sure i can, not because i'll get lost...i've figured this out...i think, but because I'm not sure that what that movement would signify would be completely true. i WANT it to be, i pray that it will be, but i dont think it is. I shall think on this some more.

Oh The Joys

Have you ever volunteered for something only to find out later that significantly more was expected of you, and your services, than what was originally thought?
My day kinda went like this: to bed at 1 am after arriving back at Moody from a hilarious "haunted" corn maze. (its true that I haunted that corn maze way more effectively than the spooks they hired). I slept for 4 hours and woke up at 5:15 to hurry and get to work at the Catering kitchen and make coffee, O.J. and ice water for the people watching the Chicago Marathon. I was told originally that all i had to do was make the various drinks, drop them off at the specified location then peace out and go back to sleep until noon, at which time i would go back and pick it all up.
Now, anyone who has spent, oh say, three minutes with me on any morning knows that i am NOT a morning person. (i repeat, NOT a morning person). but i overcome this periodically to make money. (read: go to work). So when Mr. "i'm in charge of this party" walks over just as Austin and i were about to head back to bed and says: "So where's the platters? Your boss said you would plate up all the bagels", you can just imagine how happy i was. not only were there about 675 bagels in three ginormous bags, but ten dozen donuts and various boxes of random (and i mean RANDOM.) pastries. (we're talking wheat-based products i've never seen before)
But it gets better. Mr. "I'm in charge of this party" continues. he realizes that we are not exactly on the same page, and i have no doubt he caught my chilly, not-so-friendly, grouch gaze, and realized i had not planned on anything else than delivering his drinks. (and for good reason...THAT WAS ALL HE ORDERED.) He says: "Your boss also said you would stick around and replenish the drinks as they get empty...until noon."
This is where i became rather upset. before it was a minor inconvenience, he had only deprived me of a half hour of sleep by asking us to plate the bagels. now he was ripping away an entire morning of precious rest.

Mr Catering supervisor was NOT happy.

I really dont appreciate people taking advantage of the service we offer. and dropping my bosses name to make me do stuff for you aint cool either. So what did i do? i did as i was asked, not because the customer is always right (they're not...they RARELY are, most of them dont have an iota of a clue as to what they are talking about), but because i knew that when a customer asks us to add to an order the day of the event we get to itemize the list of the extra things and charge them extra for them. =)
is it revenge if its standard policy? I might not care.
Poor Austin had to work with me all morning as i took my anger out in passive ways, like muttering sarcastic comments at the WMBI guy standing on a platform by the street screaming into a microphone at the marathon runners saying the same thing over and over... "Go, go! you can do it! yeah! Go go! you can do it!..."
...i mean seriously...shut up.
Radio people need to say on the radio–where i can turn them OFF if i want. i seriously doubt any one of those runners was like, "you know im gonna quit now at mile marker 11.......oh wait! i've been invigorated by the annoying man on the microphone who just loves to hear his own voice! i can now continue running and finish!"
honestly? i mean, seriously. If they are tired at mile 11 when they run by Moody they deserve to drop out. didnt they train for this? call me pessimistic or fatalist but the Kenyan's win anyway. they run by a full half hour ahead of everyone else. I understand its a personal accomplishment to run the 26.2 miles of the marathon, that is not lost on me. But i just dont think that any man screaming on a mic is going to encourage them any more than anyone else. Now he might make them run faster to get AWAY from him. that might be an advantage for them.

Anyway, that was my day.
i finish with a quote that i think is quite applicable to this situation, and as Austin said, sums up the entire job of catering as a whole:

"Poor planning or communication on your part does not necessitiate an emergency on mine."

words to live by my friends.

Excerpt from My Latest Song

I saw a city
Marked under rain
By night and then by day
Hurried and busy
She was frantic and unknown
Light and color
War and peace
The reflection of sheer beauty
Blurred by the deep
Lost and wandering
Sure and steady
Cold and wet
Yet amazingly well met
I saw a city
I saw my heart

It's the Question

Bent twisted broken confused
How to wind up like this: I muse
Dream a life away holed up inside
Ironic that I forget the power to pray
Is it enough to throw a life away?
Enough to stake a claim of enduring love?
Is walking away the failure of a decision?
Or the failure of an option?
Sick of pain, sick of waiting, sick of no assurance
I'm tired of fighting alone.
But yet, still there is love.

The Squirrel and the Scream

The gum trees outside the back fence are turning red, yellow and orange; the squirrels are alternating between scurrying around collecting nuts and avoiding our dogs who are running around crazily because of the brisk weather. Soon the pine trees will drop dull yellow needles that will coat the ground in overlapping circles beneath their trunks. The oak leaves will pile up in the yard blown against the fence in random piles perfect for a momentary childhood diversion–if i would be so inclined.
And i will miss it this year. Fall in the pinelands of NJ has always been my favorite; and stuck downtown in Chicago i wont get a chance to see the gum trees explode in color, or the squirrels play their carefully choreographed dances cheating certain death by dog, nor will i get to play football on the slippery needles beneath the pines. And hard as it may be to imagine, Chicago doesn't offer many chances to jump in a pile of crispy, crunchy leaves feeling them scratch against my face and smelling the dark scent of earth and the sweet aroma of fall that can only be experienced while rolling in a pile of fallen foliage.
Its all a rather nostalgic thought for me and i cant escape it, no more than i can escape the changing weather or the candy stuffed in every store shelf. But on a happier note, Chicago does have some rather diverting haunted corn mazes that are fun to traverse with friends–especially the girls who run and scream when the guy with the fake chainsaw runs at us. its all rather amusing. though, not as amusing as watching the squirrels run when lucky chases them.