So im sitting in Greg's room...on his computer...typing this. after we just got back from hardcore guy-shopping. ("guy shopping" means that we walked into various stores and wandered aimlessly and looked at crap that we wanted to get for ourselves before finally picking something remotely adequate for the person we were shopping for. its all perfectly normal)
obviously, this close to Christmas the mall was basically an exhibition of all things related to human depravity. each store seemed to be showcase of every base inclination of human nature, these milling masses of humanity on display there like so many creatures in a zoo. i stood outside (and inside some) and observed the behavior of these peculiar creatures all crammed into the same living space and competing for bits of metal and plastic (ironically paying for them with bits of metal and plastic). And through the whole thing all i could think was: "Oh how i love Christmas." Not odd for me really...i DO love Christmas and all things associated with it (including crowds...but NOT bad drivers), but it IS odd that when i sit down and think about it, i was just as intrigued by the act of watching people and analyzing their actions as i was by the act of buying my gifts. (and i LOVE buying gifts...i tend to go a bit overboard, its true) i guess that just says something about me. im not sure what, but i'm sure it does say something.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Panera and Postmodernism
Today i was driving to work (read: place i go that pays me to do something i love), and i was behind a truck belonging to a very well known bread and restaurant company. On the back of the truck was a picture of a very appealing looking loaf of bread, ostensibly right out of the oven, with the caption under it reading: "Unsliced Bread...the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread". i stopped and stared at it (well...i didn't have a choice...there was a red light...and i am a law abiding citizen), and i felt a slight sense of intrigue and maybe a bit of condescension...
Don't get me wrong, i love the occasional ironic turn of phrase. no one appreciates plays on the English idiom more than I. especially when they might prey upon standardized, socially acceptable norms. maybe I'm just a rebel at heart clothed in this disguise of a rule lover...whatever the reason, i do love all the nuances involved in turning a phrase on its head to do anything from getting a laugh to making a point...philosophical, sociological, metaphysical, theological, or otherwise.
But...this one got me thinking and musing. So much so that i whipped out my trusty iPhone and quickly snapped out a snarky little response in my "notes" section. (At the stop light)
I looked back on it today and from what i could discern through the hastily typed and oddly autocorrected words (darn you, iPhone!) was that, then, and now, i am fascinated by how much, to borrow the colloquialism, "The more things change the more they stay the same".
No, i am not finally bowing to a cliche to express myself. fear not, i fully intend to broaden the scope of my feelings here. but that is basically what i pounded out on my keypad to express my incredulous feelings. well...honestly not really "incredulous"...much of this culture's fascination with postmodernity and its subsequent infiltration in marketing has lost all surprise for me.
I guess what really struck me was how much we crave to be different. once something becomes the norm we must move on to the next thing lest we become "normal" (gasp!) and therefore, we are told, irrelevant. Remember when Northface was all the rage? phsst, that was SO Jr. High. It's why Mac's, which used to be the norm, then were old news and outdated, are once again so popular in the face of an industry saturated with all things Microsoft. (I admit, it may be trendy and thus regrettable later...but I LOVE all things Mac.)
Why does that statement on the back of a Panera truck strike so many chords? why does it really, honestly, hit home and actually convince people to buy bread there? is it the draw of a bakery that provides a bread buying experience that we associate with some nostalgic time in the past (that neither we, nor our parents, actually had any part of!) so it thus must be profoundly more appealing?
Or is it just the fact that since Panera says it, and it sounds funny and maybe slightly profound...in a rather cheeky way...we feel that its the way we ought to feel? Maybe...but i honestly think its more than that. its really the human heart and spirit to want new. to want better. to want the different. to crave change. In today's space and time we tend to revert back to history, to the old, to the times of yore; craving this eclectic collage of past and present that, broadly, constitutes the core of postmodern culture. And i would never argue that this is always bad. i just wonder WHY. And perhaps more importantly, i wonder how our lives would be different if these urges, embedded deep in our psyche and culture, did not drive our rabid consumerism.
Don't get me wrong, i love the occasional ironic turn of phrase. no one appreciates plays on the English idiom more than I. especially when they might prey upon standardized, socially acceptable norms. maybe I'm just a rebel at heart clothed in this disguise of a rule lover...whatever the reason, i do love all the nuances involved in turning a phrase on its head to do anything from getting a laugh to making a point...philosophical, sociological, metaphysical, theological, or otherwise.
But...this one got me thinking and musing. So much so that i whipped out my trusty iPhone and quickly snapped out a snarky little response in my "notes" section. (At the stop light)
I looked back on it today and from what i could discern through the hastily typed and oddly autocorrected words (darn you, iPhone!) was that, then, and now, i am fascinated by how much, to borrow the colloquialism, "The more things change the more they stay the same".
No, i am not finally bowing to a cliche to express myself. fear not, i fully intend to broaden the scope of my feelings here. but that is basically what i pounded out on my keypad to express my incredulous feelings. well...honestly not really "incredulous"...much of this culture's fascination with postmodernity and its subsequent infiltration in marketing has lost all surprise for me.
I guess what really struck me was how much we crave to be different. once something becomes the norm we must move on to the next thing lest we become "normal" (gasp!) and therefore, we are told, irrelevant. Remember when Northface was all the rage? phsst, that was SO Jr. High. It's why Mac's, which used to be the norm, then were old news and outdated, are once again so popular in the face of an industry saturated with all things Microsoft. (I admit, it may be trendy and thus regrettable later...but I LOVE all things Mac.)
Why does that statement on the back of a Panera truck strike so many chords? why does it really, honestly, hit home and actually convince people to buy bread there? is it the draw of a bakery that provides a bread buying experience that we associate with some nostalgic time in the past (that neither we, nor our parents, actually had any part of!) so it thus must be profoundly more appealing?
Or is it just the fact that since Panera says it, and it sounds funny and maybe slightly profound...in a rather cheeky way...we feel that its the way we ought to feel? Maybe...but i honestly think its more than that. its really the human heart and spirit to want new. to want better. to want the different. to crave change. In today's space and time we tend to revert back to history, to the old, to the times of yore; craving this eclectic collage of past and present that, broadly, constitutes the core of postmodern culture. And i would never argue that this is always bad. i just wonder WHY. And perhaps more importantly, i wonder how our lives would be different if these urges, embedded deep in our psyche and culture, did not drive our rabid consumerism.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Love Wins
We loved rightly
We gave love truly
We loved deeply
How can it be
That this kind of pain
Is the end
Of all that has been right?
I saw thunderclouds eclipse the sun
Stark against the early morning light
Bands of shadow hiding flame
God I pray for your name
Let not the roar of this storm
Eclipse your fame
We loved without reserve
We gave love without regret
We loved without fear
How can it be
That this kind of pain
Tells us we have done right?
But I understand
It might be a storm that brings you glory
And I delight to watch here
And be a part of this story
Because I know in the end
Love will heal the tears
Because after all,
Love wins.
For I am convinced of this: that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life; neither angels or demons, neither our fears for today or our fears for tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from the love of God. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all of creation will ever be able to separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus. We know how much God loved us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (Romans 8:38-39; 1 John 4:16)
Dedicated to Ben Willey
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I Can Look Farther Than I Can See!
My office is festive. i like it this way. lights, garland, tinsel, tree...its all very warm. i have candles burning...i feel so very much like a youth pastor right now. I even made a call from my office phone today, which always makes me feel dignified and legitimate. Despite wrestling with facebook for half an hour trying to convince it to let me post a video on someone's wall, today has been rather calm and dreamy.
I spent the majority of the day mulling over, writing and reworking the values, goals and vision statement for Ignite so it can go up on the new website in a few weeks. This creedo reads, in part, that we are Love Focused, Relationship Oriented and God centered. it says that we, as a group desire to Love Jesus, Love people, Know our Culture and bring Jesus to our culture. it is, at it's core, meant to inspire, to ignite (pardon the pun) passion and give vision, focus and direction. i hope it does. whenever i see those words and think about what they mean i get inspired (which is good...). But i do wonder how many of my Jr. High students who see our values and vision written on the walls of the Subway really see them. really study them. really know them. really LIVE them. Vision is worthless unless it is lived out.
I'm a visionary type of guy. but just because i HAVE vision doesn't mean that i automatically convey it...or even live it. The passion in me is worthless unless it produces passion in others. and that passion is worthless unless it drives people in a direction that fulfills God's purpose and glorifies His name.
Vision: "A picture of the future that produces passion" -Bill Hybels
Passion.
What in interesting word. it is used to describe everything from Christ's death on the cross to inner strength and conviction to a sexy scene in a movie that you need to fast forward. I wish i could really define it.
Passion.
Where does it come from? does a proper vision ignite passion? or does passion ignite a proper vision? Does the frenzied thoughts of my brain fuel my passion or is it the splashing overflow of my bubbling heart?
Passion.
I have it. i want it. i need it.
These little vanilla and cinnamon flavored candles burn brightly above me under my gaudy tree. The wax levels are already noticably lower than they were yesterday when i lit them for the first time. this could be due to the fact that they have been lit for a considerable length of time. but regardless, i cant help but be stirred. The flame, once ignited consumes the wax. it burns it away. it disappears into little tendrils of smoke drifting up and away into oblivion. So often i feel like the fire of my passion, once ignited and fused to my ministry and vision has the same effect. over time, if i'm not watching, i turn around to see that my vision is dry, it is run down, in danger of running out. Vision must be maintained, supplied, received from God...not just conceived. These little whisps of smoke curling towards the ceiling (hopefully not towards the smoke alarm), and disappearing, remind me artfully to place the care and focus of my vision in the capable and skilled hands of God. the author and protector of my passion and vision.
A wise man once said: Vision without action is daydream...action without vision is a nightmare.
I spent the majority of the day mulling over, writing and reworking the values, goals and vision statement for Ignite so it can go up on the new website in a few weeks. This creedo reads, in part, that we are Love Focused, Relationship Oriented and God centered. it says that we, as a group desire to Love Jesus, Love people, Know our Culture and bring Jesus to our culture. it is, at it's core, meant to inspire, to ignite (pardon the pun) passion and give vision, focus and direction. i hope it does. whenever i see those words and think about what they mean i get inspired (which is good...). But i do wonder how many of my Jr. High students who see our values and vision written on the walls of the Subway really see them. really study them. really know them. really LIVE them. Vision is worthless unless it is lived out.
I'm a visionary type of guy. but just because i HAVE vision doesn't mean that i automatically convey it...or even live it. The passion in me is worthless unless it produces passion in others. and that passion is worthless unless it drives people in a direction that fulfills God's purpose and glorifies His name.
Vision: "A picture of the future that produces passion" -Bill Hybels
Passion.
What in interesting word. it is used to describe everything from Christ's death on the cross to inner strength and conviction to a sexy scene in a movie that you need to fast forward. I wish i could really define it.
Passion.
Where does it come from? does a proper vision ignite passion? or does passion ignite a proper vision? Does the frenzied thoughts of my brain fuel my passion or is it the splashing overflow of my bubbling heart?
Passion.
I have it. i want it. i need it.
These little vanilla and cinnamon flavored candles burn brightly above me under my gaudy tree. The wax levels are already noticably lower than they were yesterday when i lit them for the first time. this could be due to the fact that they have been lit for a considerable length of time. but regardless, i cant help but be stirred. The flame, once ignited consumes the wax. it burns it away. it disappears into little tendrils of smoke drifting up and away into oblivion. So often i feel like the fire of my passion, once ignited and fused to my ministry and vision has the same effect. over time, if i'm not watching, i turn around to see that my vision is dry, it is run down, in danger of running out. Vision must be maintained, supplied, received from God...not just conceived. These little whisps of smoke curling towards the ceiling (hopefully not towards the smoke alarm), and disappearing, remind me artfully to place the care and focus of my vision in the capable and skilled hands of God. the author and protector of my passion and vision.
A wise man once said: Vision without action is daydream...action without vision is a nightmare.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Lights Camera...Action
The biggest reason for Thanksgiving is to be thankful for Christmas. (this is how i am justifying the Christmas music that is currently being played from my laptop.)
I can support this theologically...so im pretty much secure in my life choices right now.
In other news, the advent (haha...you like that play on words?) of Christmas music on the radio at this time might be incentive enough to actually pop the CD out and actually turn the radio on for the first time in a decade. Although, come to think of it, most of the Christmas music on the radio is like the rest of pop music on the radio: namely, a bunch of worthless drivel set to some semblance of music. its only redeeming quality will be the fact that it is themed around Christmas. (kinda like Will Ferrell in Elf...only brought a notch above vomit-inducing since the movie is about Christmas).
But i digress. Christmas season is upon us, and despite the protests of some die-hard "after thanksgiving-ers" i am currently in my annual hunt for a new Christmas album to add to my collection. let the amorous, nostalgic search begin!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Heaven is a Place on Earth...Well, Not Really...
This time of year always makes me miss the comfortable confines of home. The sweet smell of the pines, the subtle chill of the wind as it tickles through the trees, heavy with the delicious sharp scent of smoke spilling from the neighbors' chimneys'. The bright leaves swaying in their dance to the breeze. The crisp crunch of darkened leaves carpeting the sand and drifting into deep, earthy and musky scented piles. And of course all those hilarious squirrels nervously dashing about, alternating between scolding, and running from, the dogs. This time where fall begins to give way to the colder influence of winter always makes me a bit nostalgic...and maybe, honestly, a bit melancholy. Maybe its because Christmas is so close, or because so many memories are packed into these shortened, dark days. memories of intense touch football games woven in and about the trees littering the yard. Memories of deep woods explorations and glorified hide and go seek games amongst the barren branches of the brush beyond the back fence. Or those times spent collecting buckets full of acorns and using their shells to create secret whistle codes during school hours.
I think all together it reminds me how important childhood is, how important relationships are, family, love, life, trust...and the comfort it brings. how important it is to have a place to call home and to sink my anchor...even if its just for a short time. There is a longing for home in my heart. but home is not just a place. its not just a geographic location i can pinpoint on google earth (I even have google earth's snazzy iphone app that allows me to show everyone my house and woodland haunts from a thousand miles away...oh the joys of technological advancement). its not just the trees, or the woodstoves, or the leaves underfoot...because i can go to a thousand places and find those things. Even this little village of Winnetka (so desperately trying to create and convey an image that hides it's proximity to the bustling chaos of the city) has it's unique charms. the window displays, the coffee shops lit up at night, the main street lined with lights...the charming old English building facades, and bank employees who know my name...its all very quaint and appealing. But its not what my heart is looking for.
I dont want to just say that it's all about family and friends and the general good feeling and well wishing of the season. that feels dull, overused, tired and trite. I want to go beyond the typical cliche-ridden verbal accolades of this holiday season. I want to say something meaningful, express the deep longing of this boyish heart trapped in a body and mind that's growing up. But the truth is, i cant. I dont think it is possible. I've written myself to this point fully intending to find something clever, witty and profound to say. but now that it comes to it i dont think that language possesses the appropriate capabilities to capture and convey with precision the words of the soul. (And that in and of itself annoys me because it is a cliche.) But i think that is the way it is meant to be. C.S. Lewis once said that the beauty in the world causes our hearts to ache and long for something greater. he said it is the "eternity in our hearts" planted by God. a longing we all have for the things of heaven stirred by the beauty we see here on earth. I like that. i think he is right. I think we have all experienced it in one way or another.
I love the complex beauty that God has formed into this world. its why i love art and perfect photographs. But for someone like myself, someone who places a high value on people, I think relationships are beauty too. friendships, love, family...its all beauty in it's own rite. and it equally trips the eternity in my heart and makes me long for the things above that words fail to adequately and properly surmise.
So as the air aquires its bite and the leaves flutter to the ground leaving the trees bare and i see the golden sunsets, i will know that the ache in my heart for the cozy fire burning in the livingroom of a little tan rancher on Linden Ave. is also, really, pointing my heart towards the perfection of relationships in Jesus Christ fully realized and accomplished in the glorious confines of Heaven. That, my friends, is what i am homesick for.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
What, what, WHAT are you doing?
Let me not be a slave to anything that has mastered me, save Jesus Christ.
I don't want to lose sight of the eternal while ministering in the temporal space of this earth. I want God-sized dreams that are not influenced or limited by man-sized thoughts, ideas, criticisms, or problems.
I suppose that this means i first need to possess God-sized dreams. To conquer fear and doubt and not be focused merely on the possibility of failure and adjust my plans and goals accordingly, but to be driven by the promise of success contained in the power of God at my disposal. [Today's journal entry]
As i write this i am sitting at my desk listening to Anberlin whine out of my laptop's speakers and trying to avoid working on anything that resembles productivity. My iPhone keeps buzzing with texts and facebook updates that i am systematically ignoring. Why am i shirking responsibility? its more than just me being my usual ADD, procrastinating self. And its not just the fact that the office is empty save for myself and the smartly dressed Ricoh copier repair dude. (and Jesse...somewhere up in the Loft shouting Sunday's already finished lesson down to empty chairs. dirty overachiever)
I'm supposedly teaching tonight for young adult's bible study. and by "supposedly" i mean "i am"...And, in all honesty, i've done all my research, written out all my notes in my little black book, and done some extensive reading of books on the subject. All that is left to do is synthesize my rambling, scrawled notes into a legible Word document so i can actually read them come 6:30 tonight when people arrive and expectantly look at me to utter some profundity about Luke 15.
but i havn't even so much as opened up a Word doc yet. Here i am, poised over my computer, paralyzed by the unrealized and unsubstantiated fear that possibly i won't be able to organize yesterday's semi-chaotic thoughts. I even worry that i will have a flash of exegetical brilliance and find a new concept or central theme in the passage and have to do the pain staking work of reordering my notes. It's really all very laughable.
But yet i still havn't even opened my notebook from yesterday.
So i just sit here and eat little red fish out of a yellow plastic bag and muse about my particular short comings. If i am a slave to anything, i must confess, i am a slave to the many faceted nuances of fear.
I don't want to lose sight of the eternal while ministering in the temporal space of this earth. I want God-sized dreams that are not influenced or limited by man-sized thoughts, ideas, criticisms, or problems.
I suppose that this means i first need to possess God-sized dreams. To conquer fear and doubt and not be focused merely on the possibility of failure and adjust my plans and goals accordingly, but to be driven by the promise of success contained in the power of God at my disposal. [Today's journal entry]
As i write this i am sitting at my desk listening to Anberlin whine out of my laptop's speakers and trying to avoid working on anything that resembles productivity. My iPhone keeps buzzing with texts and facebook updates that i am systematically ignoring. Why am i shirking responsibility? its more than just me being my usual ADD, procrastinating self. And its not just the fact that the office is empty save for myself and the smartly dressed Ricoh copier repair dude. (and Jesse...somewhere up in the Loft shouting Sunday's already finished lesson down to empty chairs. dirty overachiever)
I'm supposedly teaching tonight for young adult's bible study. and by "supposedly" i mean "i am"...And, in all honesty, i've done all my research, written out all my notes in my little black book, and done some extensive reading of books on the subject. All that is left to do is synthesize my rambling, scrawled notes into a legible Word document so i can actually read them come 6:30 tonight when people arrive and expectantly look at me to utter some profundity about Luke 15.
but i havn't even so much as opened up a Word doc yet. Here i am, poised over my computer, paralyzed by the unrealized and unsubstantiated fear that possibly i won't be able to organize yesterday's semi-chaotic thoughts. I even worry that i will have a flash of exegetical brilliance and find a new concept or central theme in the passage and have to do the pain staking work of reordering my notes. It's really all very laughable.
But yet i still havn't even opened my notebook from yesterday.
So i just sit here and eat little red fish out of a yellow plastic bag and muse about my particular short comings. If i am a slave to anything, i must confess, i am a slave to the many faceted nuances of fear.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Glories of Glade
So my mom has these things in basically every room in the house. they're called glade air wicks—you may have seen the commercials...a smiling mom in a house with her (smelly?) husband and a little white space ship looking thing. the narrator tells us that this miracle of air freshening technology only releases its scent (something like "fresh mountain rain after a sunrise by a waterfall"...or some such other romanticized odor name like that) when people walk into the room. this little miracle smell masking capsule even has a timing device that prohibits it from releasing its scent every time a person walks by (bummer...that could have been so much fun) and limits its performance to only once every fifteen or thirty minutes...depending on your personal preference...or proximity to pubescent males.
....but i digress. i have noticed that having these little coned shaped pods in every room (and one right inside my bedroom door) giving an audible click every time i walk by is rather unnerving. don't get me wrong, i love having the air smell clean and fresh and like a mountain stream (who wouldn't...mountain streams are glorious). But every little tick the pod of mountain stream freshness makes as i walk by sounds like a condescending gunshot. i feel its as if the little inanimate air freshener is shaking its non-existent head in consternation and smug aloofness as it releases a puff of sweet smelling masking odor into air to hide my presence. "Please accept my apologies for the odiferous human in the room...he really should bathe more often don't you think? here...allow me to remedy his atrocious presence with my own fabulous concoction created by the geniuses at glade...there...isn't that better? now we can tolerate his presence."
It seems silly really....im self conscious in front of a little six inch tall plastic piece of human engineering made to serve me. is this a sad commentary on my mental state...or my view of myself? i cant walk into a room without feeling assaulted by the resounding click of an air freshener. its seemingly condescending tick echoes in my ears like an echoing roar.
...that...and the fact that it has this obnoxious green light that blinks all night like a creepy eye watching me that keeps me awake.
....but i digress. i have noticed that having these little coned shaped pods in every room (and one right inside my bedroom door) giving an audible click every time i walk by is rather unnerving. don't get me wrong, i love having the air smell clean and fresh and like a mountain stream (who wouldn't...mountain streams are glorious). But every little tick the pod of mountain stream freshness makes as i walk by sounds like a condescending gunshot. i feel its as if the little inanimate air freshener is shaking its non-existent head in consternation and smug aloofness as it releases a puff of sweet smelling masking odor into air to hide my presence. "Please accept my apologies for the odiferous human in the room...he really should bathe more often don't you think? here...allow me to remedy his atrocious presence with my own fabulous concoction created by the geniuses at glade...there...isn't that better? now we can tolerate his presence."
It seems silly really....im self conscious in front of a little six inch tall plastic piece of human engineering made to serve me. is this a sad commentary on my mental state...or my view of myself? i cant walk into a room without feeling assaulted by the resounding click of an air freshener. its seemingly condescending tick echoes in my ears like an echoing roar.
...that...and the fact that it has this obnoxious green light that blinks all night like a creepy eye watching me that keeps me awake.
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