This time of year always makes me miss the comfortable confines of home. The sweet smell of the pines, the subtle chill of the wind as it tickles through the trees, heavy with the delicious sharp scent of smoke spilling from the neighbors' chimneys'. The bright leaves swaying in their dance to the breeze. The crisp crunch of darkened leaves carpeting the sand and drifting into deep, earthy and musky scented piles. And of course all those hilarious squirrels nervously dashing about, alternating between scolding, and running from, the dogs. This time where fall begins to give way to the colder influence of winter always makes me a bit nostalgic...and maybe, honestly, a bit melancholy. Maybe its because Christmas is so close, or because so many memories are packed into these shortened, dark days. memories of intense touch football games woven in and about the trees littering the yard. Memories of deep woods explorations and glorified hide and go seek games amongst the barren branches of the brush beyond the back fence. Or those times spent collecting buckets full of acorns and using their shells to create secret whistle codes during school hours.
I think all together it reminds me how important childhood is, how important relationships are, family, love, life, trust...and the comfort it brings. how important it is to have a place to call home and to sink my anchor...even if its just for a short time. There is a longing for home in my heart. but home is not just a place. its not just a geographic location i can pinpoint on google earth (I even have google earth's snazzy iphone app that allows me to show everyone my house and woodland haunts from a thousand miles away...oh the joys of technological advancement). its not just the trees, or the woodstoves, or the leaves underfoot...because i can go to a thousand places and find those things. Even this little village of Winnetka (so desperately trying to create and convey an image that hides it's proximity to the bustling chaos of the city) has it's unique charms. the window displays, the coffee shops lit up at night, the main street lined with lights...the charming old English building facades, and bank employees who know my name...its all very quaint and appealing. But its not what my heart is looking for.
I dont want to just say that it's all about family and friends and the general good feeling and well wishing of the season. that feels dull, overused, tired and trite. I want to go beyond the typical cliche-ridden verbal accolades of this holiday season. I want to say something meaningful, express the deep longing of this boyish heart trapped in a body and mind that's growing up. But the truth is, i cant. I dont think it is possible. I've written myself to this point fully intending to find something clever, witty and profound to say. but now that it comes to it i dont think that language possesses the appropriate capabilities to capture and convey with precision the words of the soul. (And that in and of itself annoys me because it is a cliche.) But i think that is the way it is meant to be. C.S. Lewis once said that the beauty in the world causes our hearts to ache and long for something greater. he said it is the "eternity in our hearts" planted by God. a longing we all have for the things of heaven stirred by the beauty we see here on earth. I like that. i think he is right. I think we have all experienced it in one way or another.
I love the complex beauty that God has formed into this world. its why i love art and perfect photographs. But for someone like myself, someone who places a high value on people, I think relationships are beauty too. friendships, love, family...its all beauty in it's own rite. and it equally trips the eternity in my heart and makes me long for the things above that words fail to adequately and properly surmise.
So as the air aquires its bite and the leaves flutter to the ground leaving the trees bare and i see the golden sunsets, i will know that the ache in my heart for the cozy fire burning in the livingroom of a little tan rancher on Linden Ave. is also, really, pointing my heart towards the perfection of relationships in Jesus Christ fully realized and accomplished in the glorious confines of Heaven. That, my friends, is what i am homesick for.
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